2015 in Review

I never really look back at my year. 2015 was a very different year for me. It was a rebirth.

Let's be real. The majority of the year fucking sucked. I battled crippling anxiety and my deepest depression. Without getting too into it, I'll just say it was some seriously awful shit. However, after the clouds lifted, I put my head down and worked. I am forever grateful for my friends that supported and stuck with me through it. To those who couldn't understand or didn't give a shit, fuck yourselves. Oh well. I am, dare I say, the happiest I've ever been.

In the past 4 months, I launched my dream company, played my first show in LA, shot my first music video, fell in love with photography again, started working with a producer I've admired for years, and feel like I've finally found my voice. I have thrown myself into my art and found myself thriving.

 Photo By Banfy Photography

Photo By Banfy Photography

My EP, albeit a slow process, it is coming to fruition and sounding better than I could've dreamt. I've been stressed to get it out within a certain timeframe. Yet, friends have told me not to rush it. It will come to a close when it's ready. I am glad I've finally taken someone's advice. The album has grown on its own in ways I could've never imagined. I've grown as a singer, a songwriter, and artist. 

I can feel it in my bones. 2016 is the year where I explode. Thank you for sticking with me on this journey. 

NYXX

Hollow.

Where once there was sun—now, a black hole.
I am empty-bellied,
Suffocating.
What's left when you let go?

Without your breath,
I’m merely flesh.
Hollowing, dissolving—
becoming dust.

And you know, I swear we were happy.
I was enough.
At one point, when you looked at me,
It was love.

Darling, I don’t pray.
I certainly won’t start now.
Know I mean it when I say
That I hope you die alone.

Nightmare

I am overjoyed to announce my EP title and official track list!

The album will be entitled "Nightmare." The title track was written by myself and my amazing, beyond talented friend, Danny Armand. This will also be the first single, obviously, video and all.

The official track list is:
1) "Nightmare"
2) "Buried Alive"
3) "Time"
4) "Blindsided"
5) "Diabolical" 
6) This is a very special, 'secret' track. "Waiting"

Some songs are completely written and produced by myself! It's amazing what you can do when you just fucking throw yourself in.

Reluctantly, I have had to push my release back to Halloween, but I feel like that is an appropriate date. The single and music video will be release prior to the album. I have decided not to have a party, as I originally wanted to. I will be announcing shows and will let all of my wonderful Kickstarter backers know when their presents are being shipped out!


NX

So much to do...

Exhaustion. Beyond exhaustion.

I am running slightly behind schedule on my EP timeline--which is stressing me the fuck out. The album will probably end up being 4 songs, 5 if I can push it out, instead of the original goal of 6 songs. I am pretty happy with the way it is coming along, however. October will be an amazing month!

Aside from my CD, I am also launching my own clothing and accessory line. I am in the process of getting samples and manufacturing all the designs I have, as well as designing a website for it. I have the name, the domain, the plan, and the determination. I think everyone will be pleasantly surprised! The line will most likely launch January for SS16. Stay tuned for more details and an official announcement! 

I love being busy with things I love to do. Goal for 2016: Quit my day jobs, tour, photography, and sell the shit out of my ideas!

NX

EP UPDATE!

Hi guys! I’m still here, plugging away! It’s been a while and I have so much to update you all on! So, forewarning, this is a long one. Obviously, the release of the EP has been postponed several times. [Kevin Hart voice] Let me explain why…

This year has been insane. I had been working an exorbitant amount of hours. (Upwards of 70 hours a week.) There is a fine line between working too much and not enough for me. Either side of that line, I do not fare well at all. It has definitely been a struggle to stay creative every day and push through the exhaustion. 

I was putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on myself. I hated introducing myself as a musician and only having one or two song to showcase my talents. I wanted the EP out and out NOW. I wanted to be busting out songs like I used to, before college.

My good friend and amazing musician, Damian (AKA Cellar Doves), told me to cut that out. I want the best representation of me as an artist, not the quickest. So, taking his advice, I continued along and I am so glad I did. I feel just now is where I’ve really made the breakthrough and discovered my own style, learned how to produce work on my own without relying on producers to help, and grown as a person as well as an artist.

Through the process, I felt like I was losing myself. I was suffocating. I felt hollow and useless. I was depressed, felt fat, ugly, sad, and alone. All I was was work. 

To keep my head above the water, I joined an online writing seminar through Rebelle Society to jumpstart myself. The course was geared towards making writing and creativity a daily priority—to press reset and get you back to feeling whole. Sadly, I didn't end up even starting it because I was working so much and felt that every spare minute should be spent on music. I finally got to start that program this month. (It is amazing. They’re doing another one for August. I’ve put the link at the bottom.)

I was frustrated trying to find people to produce my music and write with. Everyone was flaking, even though I finally had money to pay for help. I was trying to do it all myself, but didn't know how to take what was playing in my head and make it on the computer. I did YouTube tutorials, but the process was slow and arduous. Everything I was trying to do to save my sanity was failing.

Just before I broke down, I decided to give one final push. My college professor, Christopher James, told me the very first day of art school: "Whenever creativity is lacking or you're struggling, go back to the basics. Throw out everything you know and start from the bones. It's not what you use, it's what you make with it."

And so I did. I went back to what I knew, what I was confident in, and what made me happy. I picked up my pinhole and Holga, bought a digital camera, began shooting video and stills again, joined a poetry forum, took piano lessons, got back into vocal lessons, and lastly, decided to try including loops in my songs. The loops gave me freedom to produce what I had in my head, on my own. I learned how to dissect them and use what I needed out of them.

I feel best when I am creating, naturally. What many don’t understand is that it is literally an integral part of my survival to create everyday. Just as eating and breathing. 

As you may have read in my previous blog post, I am now officially a registered trademark! This means that only I can produce music and perform under the name Nyxx! It is fucking freeing, I tell you.

I am also ecstatic to announce that I have a surplus of material for this record! As little as a month ago, I thought I would be struggling to reach six songs. Now, I have to choose which ones will be on the EP and which can wait for shows! Look at that! 

Thank you guys for your patience, love, and support! The official release date is now October 13, 2015! I was aiming for September, but with all the extra shit that comes with making a physical record and releasing it, I don't want to rush it. There will be a single released, a video, and shows! Yay! Stay tuned!

xo
Nyxx

Online Writing Seminar: http://www.writeyourselfalive.org | http://www.rebellesociety.com

Nyxx®

Today is June 23, 2015. I woke up abnormally early and on the couch. With one eye open, I reached for my phone. I opened the TEAS profile for my trademark application I already had loaded and refreshed it. I was expecting it, but I found it utterly surreal to find today's date under the registration date. I burst into tears. For those of you that know me, you know the story. For those of you that don't, it has been an incredibly long road. I can finally discuss the entire thing.

It started January of 2013. While helping me find a manager, my friend, Buddy, texted me "I didn't know you had a Kickstarter campaign!" 

"What? I don't," I replied. (At that point.)

He sent me the link. There, in front of me, was another girl... making similar music, with a similar voice, using my name. My name that I had painstakingly chosen, was known by, identified with, WAS. I felt like my throat had been ripped out. I didn't know what to do. I hadn't ever experienced this.

It was almost childish the way she and I behaved on social media. It wasn't a competition to me because Nyxx is who I am, however, it seemed like I had been thrown into one. The chaos continued for all of 2013. I was told by friends, colleagues, peers, and professionals to ignore it and persevere. To produce more and more work, to rise above the petty tiff. And so, I worked my fucking ass off.

One day in late September, I was having lunch with my good friend, Gianluca. I poured out how much stress the situation was causing me, how she was using social media against me, and even using my own sites to direct traffic from me to her. He advised me, "You need to get a trademark. Immediately."

I had been working an exorbitant amount of hours and spent every free moment researching what I needed for a trademark, how much it cost, etc. My research warned against filing without a lawyer. Some even said that only 10% of trademarks filed without a lawyer were successful. I knew I certainly couldn't afford a lawyer to do it. I had to skip a couple bills that month just to afford the application fee! So, taking several deep breaths, feeling a burning urge to submit, I pressed send. I prayed that she hadn't already submitted an application.

I felt hopeless and desperate. I didn't see another alternative than giving up if the trademark wasn't successful. I had left everything 3000 miles behind: my family, my friends, and a photography career to pursue my music. Growing up, my peers tried to destroy every ounce of musical confidence I had and now this. I would have to give up and move home. And do what? Become a wedding photographer? I couldn't be a starving fine art photographer. I realize now that it was completely ridiculous, but oh well, I have dark tendencies... 

A few weeks later, I did another trademark search and found that she had submitted an application... 2 days after me. I had won! I beat her to the punch! Relief washed over me, but only for a brief second. Had she hired a lawyer to do it? Did I fuck up my application? I submitted as a service mark. What happens next?! And fuck her for trying to take my name away from me! It was beyond me that someone could be so consciously malicious. 

Skip ahead a few months, after my successful Kickstarter campaign. I was floating. I had the means to make an album! I had all these people that wanted me to sing and would pay upwards of $500 each to see me do it. I had a new lease on life. No one could ever take this away from me. How could I have ever felt like I needed to give up? I was born to do this. This is who I am and no one can take that away from you.

Then... she struck again. I kept up to date with what she was doing. I saw and even had several friends call me to tell me she was using my specific url "NyxxNyxxNyxx" as a hashtag. This just took a personal turn. Up until then, I had given her somewhat of a benefit of the doubt. She could very well not know that I was already here, making music, living, and flourishing under the name Nyxx. She could've been living in a bubble. Now I was certain she knew exactly who I was. The use of this hashtag was a giant 'fuck you.' She knew that was my url to all of my sites. This was deliberate and a call to action. I reached out to a lawyer. He advised me to write her a personal letter. "This isn't benefitting either of you. You're both people. Reach out like a person."

So I did. I wrote her a thoughtful, polite, strong letter. I felt good about it. I sent it via certified mail. I was proud. 

I was home in Rhode Island with my family when I saw she took everything related to "Nyxx" down. I cried. It wasn't a triumphant feeling. It was more gratitude. I know it must have been hard. I know it must have sucked. I know she was pissed. She blocked me, but she emailed me a nice letter stating she was disassociating with the name. I was shocked at the tone of her email. It wasn't sweet, but it wasn't as aggressive as her behavior on social media had been. I wrote her back a thank you. 

I wasn't in the clear yet. I waited to see if my trademark would be approved. I waited for months.

Now, today... 

I am free.

And it feels so fucking good.

 

History reworked...

I believe everything can be improved on. It's both a blessing and a downfall. I am notorious for never finishing songs.

I recently found all of my poetry from college and decided to rework one of my favorites. I'm still not convinced it's finished, but as aforementioned, I can never really be done with anything.

NX

 

 

untitled. 1

In the building behind mine,
On the next street,
Up a narrow staircase,
There's a room without heat.

Your sheets touched me that night—
Bare skinned and for the first time.
The chill of tangible truth,
Lit by a single street light.

I discovered all of you—
Your skin, your blood, your bones.
I devoured the moments.
You were mine, there in the cold.

But you, my love,
You set the room on fire.
My life has been a vacant hole,
Without the swell of desire.

To this day, I close my eyes
And I dream of your breath,
Of the blue-green street light,
And the hollow of your touch.

©2015 Nyxx Dady

Beginning.

I need to push myself more. I decided to start writing a blog to do just that. To be creative, vulnerable, and to share it. 

If you find yourself here, reading my words, thank you. 

NX